In Part 1 of The Energy of Conflict, we discussed how listening to each other, looking for what people are not saying, and asking questions to gain clarity were all major keys in identifying how energetic cords are formed and how keeping conversations positive will result in a “win-win” for all parties involved. The next tips continue on this path and provide more real-life scenarios and insights to flip your typical thinking patterns.
We all tend to make judgments of others, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing it. Picture yourself in the grocery store in the 10 items or less aisle and you notice the person in front of you is over the limit. Do you immediately get upset? Start to wonder why they think the rules don’t apply to them? Today’s society of fear mentality has really done a number on us and it’s very apparent when we first think the worst about people’s actions. In reality, we really don’t know the person in front of us and what their story is. They may have just received some bad news or honestly just didn’t count the number of items in their cart because they had a rough day and are too frazzled to think clearly.
How does thinking the worst really serve you anyway? It’s making you upset and bringing in negative energy which you’re now going to spread to everyone you encounter. How about being like Switzerland instead and observe the situation in a neutral way versus judging and being negative. It’s much safer to make no assumptions than the wrong assumption.
Family vs. Strangers
How do disagreements with a family member differ from those with a stranger? We know that if it’s with a family member, there’s more opportunity for grudges and rifts to cause separation to the point of no communication at all. It’s also a situation where we are constantly being reminded because there are many other people, friends and in-laws included, who may be involved and everyone is going to have their opinion.
With a stranger, who maybe cuts you off on your way to work and sends you into a fit of road rage, it’s different. At least with the stranger you have an opportunity to curse and be angry, again allowing the emotion and energy to flow and not stick with you. With a family member, where does the negative energy land? Does it stay with you and the other people involved? Of course, it does. That emotion creates the energetic cord. If you picture the cord as a large rubber band with a person at either end, it’s easy to see that as the conflict continues to escalate, the parties pull until it reaches its’s maximum stretch. At that point, neither one is going to budge until that cord is cut and it will turn even a minor quarrel into big drama.
Vent vs. Fix
Ah, now here’s a good one. How many times have you needed to get something off your chest, just to release the energy? We all have, right? And how many times do we choose someone who very patiently listens, then starts to give their opinions like, “Well you should do this” or “You should’ve said or done that.” This is great if you’re looking for advice, not so if you just wanted to vent.
Nancy and I talked about prefacing the conversation with, “I just need to vent…” It helps to set the expectation for the other person because you’re stating up front what you want out of the conversation. A good way to look at it is that every conversation is a relationship. That interaction creates an energetic bond. Whether it be a small strand on your spider web or something thicker like the rubber band. Setting the expectation also dictates what type of energy you’re exchanging as well. So, let’s keep it positive!
Reconnection vs. Reconciliation
This is a big one! We’ve all see a meme or inspirational quote about forgiveness not being for the other person, it’s to set you free. So why is it so difficult to forgive? For some, it may be that the need to be right or their pride is a bigger force than just letting it go. For others, it may be the mentality that if they forgive, then they have to forget and become BFF’s. Not so. You can forgive someone without ever wanting or needing them to be a part of your life.
If you’re looking for a reconciliation, then maybe a good place to start the conversation would be to go back to what caused the rift and replace any “YOU’s” with “I’s.” It helps the other person to understand what your perception was and keeps them from being on the defensive. It at least allows a common ground that you can build from.
Maybe you’re just looking to reconnect and take an opportunity to right a wrong, perceived or real, where things can be put to rest and finally let go of the negative energy that was present.
We’ve covered a lot of ground with these tips and techniques. The main theme is really open and clear communication. That’s what turns the conflict into a conversation and switches the energy from negative to positive. Both parties feel heard and although they may not like having to make concessions or compromise, they walk away from the conflict with a sense of satisfaction, peace, and most of all freedom.
If this article resonated with you or you have questions, would like more information, or know you have energy to clear in your existing relationships, please feel free to contact Ann M. Bordeleau at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 603-318-1154. You can also follow Ann on Facebook and visit her website: www.annmbordeleau.com
For any mediation inquiries, please reach out to Nancy Gabriel at Mediation Around the Table, LLC. www.mediationaroundthetable.com at Nancy@mediationaroundthetable.com or 702-561-8754. You can also follow Nancy on Facebook