As I was raking leaves for the last time this season, an analogy came to mind and made me laugh out loud. The scene was someone with a leaf blower pushing all the leaves off his property. It reminded me of pushing blame onto others.
Just like the leaves then become someone else’s problem to clean up, we move the blame off of us and onto someone else. Until the leaves all come back to our own yard, that is.
We all do it and society lets us. Pushing blame off to others is now the norm. We certainly recognize it in our children and are quick to punish them for being tattle tales or not being honest about doing something they weren’t supposed to. We also recognize it when talking to other people. Rolling our eyes when the person drones on and on about someone who has crossed them in some way. There are even those who blame anyone and everyone for whatever the latest thing going wrong in their lives.
You know people like that, right? These blamers make you frustrated just listening to them and you wish you had a mirror to hold up to their face and say, “Start here first.” It gets to a point where the chronic blamers make it difficult to be around. You know at some point their going to blame you for something, so you may choose to get out while you can, feeling sad because slowly but surely, their behavior ends up isolating themselves from the world.
No one wants to be THAT person. If you’re lucky, you catch yourself playing the blame game and instead of continuing on, you stop, maybe even mid-sentence and choose your next words carefully. The next time, maybe you even catch yourself before opening your mouth at all and you think, “Wow! I’m making progress now!” Then where do you go from there?
In order to break the cycle, we need to start looking within. It’s a well-known fact that we create our own lives with our thoughts and actions, so what are we doing that’s creating this need to blame others? What are we trying to avoid? What kind of feelings does the situation evoke? When we look inside ourselves, we find all the answers needed to make necessary changes to bring us to the path for our life purpose. The real challenge is whether or not we’re willing to do the work, and don’t kid yourself, it is work, especially if you’ve been avoiding it for a long time.
The good news is, it’s never too late to make changes. A good first step would be to think about someone who you’ve blamed for something and start asking yourself the questions. What comes up? Get ready because it’s likely going to be something you don’t like or don’t want to hear about yourself. Dig deeper and allow yourself to be truly honest. Cry, scream, yell, or swear, whatever it takes to allow those feelings to flow. These are keeping you trapped in a negative mind set. Let them go. How much lighter do you feel now? What have you learned from these feelings? Use this newfound knowledge to propel you forward on your path by using these experiences when you’re out in the world.
Where are you blowing your leaves? Will you continue to blow them onto the street or in your neighbor’s yard or will you clean them up yourself and be free? Thus, allowing yourself the satisfaction of “a good job done.”
If this article resonated with you or you have questions, would like more information, or know you have energy to clear in your existing relationships, please feel free to contact Ann M. Bordeleau at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 603-318-1154. You can also follow Ann on Facebook and visit her website: www.annmbordeleau.com